Healing from your Narcissistic Mother

The narcissistic mother can remain in our consciousness like an indelible imprint. Whenever we make life choices mother is there making demands and threats that we do it her way. The child of the narcissistic mother is a psychological prisoner. When we are very young and helpless, we must do what is necessary to survive. The daughter or son of a narcissistic mother is faced with emotional coldness from the beginning. Mother may be capable of putting on a good act and feigns affection and caring. Beneath this facade, she is resentful of her maternal role. If she must play the part of mother, everyone must bend to her will. The husband is often treated like another child or a small pet who fearfully obeys his master's commands. Children are thrown to the side or become the bit players in the narcissistic mother's large scale drama. They watch as she successfully manipulates everyone in her environment. When she can't do it smoothly, she uses her highly tuned verbal weapons and threats to tame those who could possibly get in her way. After all of the years of mother abuse, her children feel psychologically pummeled and exhausted. To move beyond survival they have to find ways to recognize their value and uniqueness as individuals. They may be the biological issue or have been adopted by mother but are distinct people who are very different from her. Psychological healing is a process, not a single event. There are no steps 1-10 that will get you swiftly to a destination on mapquest. The healing process takes place,one day at a time, one moment at a time. The first step is to know that healing is a natural part of being human. It is a gift of our humanity and of all of nature. Learn to honor and acknowledge the baby and small child within you. Become acquainted once more or for the first time with your senses and natural life rhythms. Babies are very wise. They know how to sleep and rest. They are magnificently spontaneous. They laugh, cry, move, giggle, gesticulate and articulate their needs, wishes and knowings. They do not feel ashamed about being themselves; they celebrate it. Watch their dancing eyes and broad toothless smiles. Listen to their gurgles and gleeful responses to the moment. Tap into this part of yourself. It is closer than you think. Some people find it helpful to write down what they are discovering about themselves. Choose a quiet period each day for meditation, journaling, repose, quiet thought. This time belongs to you "to be". This is not a period for "doing." Become comfortable with yourself in the act of "being." Recognize the talents that your mother forced you to hide because they did not bring her the narcissistic supplies she was demanding from you and that she envied and dismissed. Use your inner voice in activating these talents. Respect your perceptions. High quality psychotherapy helps many children of narcissistic mothers at a time when they can be receptive to this process. Trust your intuition---a key to healing. Celebrate your freedom from your narcissistic mother. Embrace your life, expand and deepen it. Give back the richness and fullness of your gifts to others. What is given with the open hand of the heart is returned many fold. Visit my website: www.thenracissistinyourlife.com Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.Telephone ConsultationEmail: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com